ELFIS Story part 7 – Sleigh Drivers Ed

One of the most exciting but scariest parts of Santa tech for Stu was Sleigh Drivers Ed. All the frightening stories and gory movies about speeding, accidents and drinking and driving really freaked him out.

Here is a song about a story circulating about a Santa.

Santa Got a DWI



LYRICS - Santa Got a DWI
by Sherwin Linton

Santa won't be back next Christmas Eve
It sounds strange I know, it's hard to believe
But the State Patrol's watchin' everybody these days
He was weavin' in the sky in his reindeer's sleigh

So they radioed to every cop in the state
That it was only a matter of minutes to wait
When he landed on a housetop, there they were
Tellin' Santa to exhale in a breath-a-lizer

But Santa refused to take the breath-a-lizer test
"In that case buddy..., you're under arrest...!"
They frisked him where he landed on that little housetop
Found a miniature bottle of Peppermint Schnapps

Chorus:
Santa got a DWI
For weaving around in the sky
Believe me, I wouldn't lie
Oh..., Santa got a DWI

They took Santa down to the County Jail
Gave him one phone call to raise ten-thousand bail
By some strange note - Santa called me
Said he needed ten-grand just to set himself free

I told him I'd get on it and do what I could do
But I can't make anyone believe my story is true
Just tryin' to help Santa; I don't mean no harm
Now they're tryin' to put me in the funny farm

They impounded Santa's sleigh and his reindeer too
And they'll probably end up in the City Zoo
And there won't be any Santa next Christmas Eve
I can't raise his bail..., no one will believe

Repeat Chorus -

ELFIS Story part 8 - Sleigh Hazards

One of the most difficult parts of Sleigh Drivers Ed is learning how to handle the hazards encountered.

There are sky hazards, weather hazards, sick reindeer hazards… but the worst hazard is…well do you know anyone that over decorates?

They create terrible problems for Santa’s and the reindeer in negotiating smooth landings but not half the problem created for the poor suckers that do the decorating..like the guy in this song:

Plastic Santa



Plastic Santa
Lyrics Steven Stay, music B.R. Hanby

Up on the housetop I climbed because
My wife bought a plastic Santa Clause
It came with a sleigh pulled by eight reindeer
and she insisted they go up there

OH OH OH why did I go
OH OH OH why did I go
Up on the housetop so quick quick quick
With my wife's stupid Santa made of plastic

First came the problem with that hammer and nail
I hit my thumb, oh it hurt like H@#$... well
The wind then came up and it really blew
Off the roof me and Santa flew

CHORUS

Next thing I knew, it happened so fast
They had me in a custom made whole body cast
My wife said she was sorry, she seemed sincere
She said: Don't worry about plastic Santa... till next year

CHORUS