ELFIS Story part 7 – Sleigh Drivers Ed

One of the most exciting but scariest parts of Santa tech for Stu was Sleigh Drivers Ed. All the frightening stories and gory movies about speeding, accidents and drinking and driving really freaked him out.

Here is a song about a story circulating about a Santa.

Santa Got a DWI



LYRICS - Santa Got a DWI
by Sherwin Linton

Santa won't be back next Christmas Eve
It sounds strange I know, it's hard to believe
But the State Patrol's watchin' everybody these days
He was weavin' in the sky in his reindeer's sleigh

So they radioed to every cop in the state
That it was only a matter of minutes to wait
When he landed on a housetop, there they were
Tellin' Santa to exhale in a breath-a-lizer

But Santa refused to take the breath-a-lizer test
"In that case buddy..., you're under arrest...!"
They frisked him where he landed on that little housetop
Found a miniature bottle of Peppermint Schnapps

Chorus:
Santa got a DWI
For weaving around in the sky
Believe me, I wouldn't lie
Oh..., Santa got a DWI

They took Santa down to the County Jail
Gave him one phone call to raise ten-thousand bail
By some strange note - Santa called me
Said he needed ten-grand just to set himself free

I told him I'd get on it and do what I could do
But I can't make anyone believe my story is true
Just tryin' to help Santa; I don't mean no harm
Now they're tryin' to put me in the funny farm

They impounded Santa's sleigh and his reindeer too
And they'll probably end up in the City Zoo
And there won't be any Santa next Christmas Eve
I can't raise his bail..., no one will believe

Repeat Chorus -

ELFIS Story part 14 - Diversity Education

It’s OK to get creative at Christmas, but People!!!!

Make sure the kids are all snuggled, tucked and asleep in their beds before you start trying the stuff in these next couple of songs.

You can wisely avoid the confusion created in this next song, by not relying on the school system to teach your kiddies about the “birds and the bee’s” and what a couple or family can consist of these days.

I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus



LYRICS - I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus
Lyrics Kip Addotta, music T. Connor.

I saw daddy kissing, Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
He didn't see me creep, down the stairs to have a peep
He thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep

Then I saw daddy tickle, Santa Claus
Underneath his beard so snowy white
There must be some mistake, was I really awake?
I rub my eyes and moved in close up, better look to take
Then I..then I...hey..hey!

Then I saw daddy hugging, Santa Claus
He took his hand and pulled him to the couch,
It must have been just fine, Santa didn't seem to mind
Then daddy moved across the room to pour them both some wine,

Then I saw daddy fondle, Santa Claus
And on his beard he nibbled now and then,
I crawled across the floor, I hid behind the door,
I left it open just a crack so I could watch some more
then I..then I..then I...then I..

Then I saw daddy undress, Santa Claus
They quickly threw their clothes on a big chair
Well much to my surprise, I couldn't believe my eyes
It wasn't Santa after all but mommy in disguise

Oh I saw daddy kissing Santa Claus,
Underneath the mistletoe last night
Oh what a laugh it would it been,
If I had really seen daddy kissing Santa Claus that night